Week One Hundred and Eleven - Saint Columban
4:30 Saturday afternoon mass, St. Columban. I think I may have reached my limit this week, my limit in distance-to-be-traveled-for-mass, that is. Took the Mighty Honda Odyssey to Loveland - the far edge of Loveland, and let me just say, it was A Drive. In retrospect, it really was a bit ridiculous. Until Saturday, Wards Corner was just a name Tim Hedrick mentioned in storm warnings. Now I know - it's out there. It's also the home of St. Columban Church.
Although St. Columban's parish was founded in 1859 "as a mission church of St. Andrew in Milford," the cornerstone on the current church building reads 2002, so yes, it's a new church, meaning St. Columban comes with the inevitable pros and cons in the aesthetics department. PRO: A mesmerizing holy water font at the back of the church. Very cool. Very cool. CON: Indecipherable stained glass windows. I don't know what they were supposed to depict, so given the minimal size of the windows, I'm really not sure why they even bothered with them. PRO: Dark wooden pews and additional decorative detailing throughout the church using the same dark wood - always a good choice. CON: A large wooden backdrop behind the altar carved with the likeness of . . . a tree. PRO: I can't believe I'm saying this but the lighting - think "upside down umbrellas." I kind of liked them. Surprising, I know. A skylight running the length of the center aisle reminded me of another church, but for the life of me, I can't remember which one. CON: The absence of statues. Is there a new rule I'm not aware of that prohibits statues in new churches? No Mary. No Joseph. I don't get it.
BIGGEST CON OF ALL: The crucifix. Anchored on the "tree" behind the altar, a plain wooden cross supports a solid white porcelain Jesus. Soooo many problems with this Jesus, an awkward resemblance to a woman being the most noticeable. Long, flowing hair and a voluminous, draped loincloth billowed to the right, apparently the result of a stiff, sculptural breeze coming from the left. The feet were perfectly aligned next to each other, toes pointed downward, the hands similary perfect. At the same time, a very realistic crown of thorns hung at the base of the cross. My Husband the Heathen thought it was a pretzel. It was all so . . . disturbing. In retrospect, I theorized that this was the resurrected Jesus, not Jesus on the cross, and with that, things seemed to make a little more sense. But did I like it? Not at all.
I feel like St. Columban is the St. Ignatius of Clermont County. Not only is their physical church somewhat similar to St. I's in setup, the website for the parish school indicates a current student enrollment around 700, a number similar to, although still far behind, St. I's. I think a good portion of those 700 students were at this 4:30 mass. There were numerous families with children in attendance, and a lot of those families included children younger than school-age . . . which made for quite a show. I've never seen so many children fall off kneelers in such a short span of time. The little girl behind us was quite vocal throughout the mass; another, next to my husband, was planking on the back of the pew in front of her. Props to the young family in front of us - an attractive husband and wife, clearly living the good life - with FOUR BOYS UNDER FIVE. More power to you, sister. I did love their youngest, just a baby, stylin' in his cardigan sweater with suede elbow patches. Yeah, overall, it was a well-dressed crowd, even the babies.Although St. Columban's parish was founded in 1859 "as a mission church of St. Andrew in Milford," the cornerstone on the current church building reads 2002, so yes, it's a new church, meaning St. Columban comes with the inevitable pros and cons in the aesthetics department. PRO: A mesmerizing holy water font at the back of the church. Very cool. Very cool. CON: Indecipherable stained glass windows. I don't know what they were supposed to depict, so given the minimal size of the windows, I'm really not sure why they even bothered with them. PRO: Dark wooden pews and additional decorative detailing throughout the church using the same dark wood - always a good choice. CON: A large wooden backdrop behind the altar carved with the likeness of . . . a tree. PRO: I can't believe I'm saying this but the lighting - think "upside down umbrellas." I kind of liked them. Surprising, I know. A skylight running the length of the center aisle reminded me of another church, but for the life of me, I can't remember which one. CON: The absence of statues. Is there a new rule I'm not aware of that prohibits statues in new churches? No Mary. No Joseph. I don't get it.
BIGGEST CON OF ALL: The crucifix. Anchored on the "tree" behind the altar, a plain wooden cross supports a solid white porcelain Jesus. Soooo many problems with this Jesus, an awkward resemblance to a woman being the most noticeable. Long, flowing hair and a voluminous, draped loincloth billowed to the right, apparently the result of a stiff, sculptural breeze coming from the left. The feet were perfectly aligned next to each other, toes pointed downward, the hands similary perfect. At the same time, a very realistic crown of thorns hung at the base of the cross. My Husband the Heathen thought it was a pretzel. It was all so . . . disturbing. In retrospect, I theorized that this was the resurrected Jesus, not Jesus on the cross, and with that, things seemed to make a little more sense. But did I like it? Not at all.
No surprise, it was a noisy mass . . . and a busy one, people milling around, walking back and forth, in and out. I was confused by a few rows of individual seats, not just at the back of church, but outside of the church, in the welcoming space. Was this the "cry room"? If so, there must have been a lot of teary-eyed individuals - of all ages - at this mass. I have no idea why so many people were sitting there, other than for a quick getaway.
No collection was taken up during the mass. This was definitely a first. The bulletin indicated that online donation was available, but we all know the seniors won't take that route, so what gives? I have to admit though, it was actually kind of nice, being able to concentrate on the preparation of the gifts and the offertory hymn without wondering when the basket was coming your way. No last minute check writing. None of that panicked searching for a few dollars at the last minute or fighting over which child gets to drop the envelope in.
So many things at St. Columban had me guessing, but with time and thought, it all started to make sense. Of course, there's still the little matter of the drive - which will never make sense, but a nice dinner out on the way home definitely made it acceptable.
ATTENDANCE: Comfortably full
DURATION: 55 minutes
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